Soul Hack: Searching for the Silver Lining
With my kids back in school this week for the first time in six months, I am currently savoring my first moments of tranquility.
No fighting, no snack requests and no Sponge Bob Square Pants blaring in the background- I am on cloud… f*king… nine!
My God how my soul needs quiet.
My God how I am not cut out to teach small children.
My God how incredibly certain I am that I need to miss my boys, preferably for a few hours daily, to show up more fully for them.
It truly takes a village, my friends. Or in my depression-prone reality it does at least.
Ironically, in one of the last personal posts I shared before the world as we knew it came crashing down, I declared that very fact: admitting that I was not the stay-at-home mother type, and publicly making peace with my maternal short-comings.
Fast forward to the present day, and it is painfully clear that, for half of a year now, I have been living in absolute survival mode- considering each day not spent in a mental institution to be quite the success.
Rolling my eyes at the homeschooling success stories,the quarantine fitness queens and all of the post-crisis lifestyle revelations being shared by other friends and bloggers, I find myself feeling like a failure of a parent and a failure of a “spiritual” person (not to mention five pounds heavier from my newfound sugar and vodka habit).
Where is my revelation…my lesson…my silver lining from all of this mess???
Truth be told, before the unthinkable happened, I considered my life to be on an upward trend.
Coming out of the fog of my postpartum depression and gaining a bit of my individuality and freedom back now that my kids are a little older, to me, this forced lifestyle reset has felt like nothing more than an unwelcome digression…a betrayal of sorts.
While I am definitely relieved by the hint of normalcy I am feeling today with schools reopened, I am doing my best to stay emotionally detached as it is impossible to know just how long this routine will last .
And so …I am taking it day by day.
For months, I have tried to spiritually bypass my way out of this funk, but nothing seems to do the trick.
I have prayed for clarity and my silver lining to be revealed, but I am still lost in the wilderness of confusion and uncertainty.
All of that being said, I know deep down in my heart that life was not designed to be a constant struggle.
In the core of my being, I know I am a powerful co-creator- if I can believe it, I can f*king achieve it!
From all of the struggles in my past, I know that the further I am pulled into the darkness, the further I will be catapulted into the light.
I will design the life of my dreams, and this brief inconvenience will not stop me.
So….
For any of you feeling like a hopeless failure during such trying times, I am here to let you know that you are not alone….I am right there with you.
Know that, contrary to what you may be seeing in your social media feed, not everyone has come out of this lifestyle disruption as a newfound fitness queen, gardening master or homeschool teacher-of-the-year.
It’s okay to be pissed….it’s okay to be sad…..it’s okay to be bitter.
Process it, sit with it, and ask God/the Universe/Angels, to help you see things differently.
No matter how bad things may have been the day before, when you wake each morning, expect to see your silver lining…your revelation..your miracle. Be receptive to synchronicities and evidence that things are turning in your favor each step of the way.
No matter how it looks right now, you always have the choice to see things differently. To trust that blessings exists right on the other side of your despair.
Without the discomfort of contrast, one could never fully appreciation the elation of joy and clarity.
It is on its way!
Now get out there and design some good vibes along with a fabulous life.
Welcome!
My journey in interior design and home improvement began with transforming my first fixer-upper home, all while managing a budget and raising two young boys. My work, a reflection of my passion for creating beautiful, uplifting spaces, has been recognized by top publications like Better Homes and Gardens Magazine, HGTV, and more. I invite you to explore my site and witness the transformation of my home and the vibes we've designed. Read more...
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Thank you. I needed to hear your message today.
I am so glad to hear that you found it helpful, Charlotte. That truly makes my day. xoxo
Thank you for sharing your raw and authentic thoughts and feelings. We do have to remind each other that it is okay and REAL to be sad, pissed, lonely, etc. Those of us who experience these struggles, be it occasionally or long term, are most able to empathize and help others…this can be seen as a gift. Thank you for the gift of honesty and care for others! Each new day contains hope! I’m happy your kiddos are back in school so you have a reprieve. I pray your community and school remains open and healthy. I’m so thankful for you hero moms who have had to be EVERYTHING 24/7.
Keep up the good, honest vibes!
Thank you so much for the encouragement, Suzi. So eloquently said. I looove how you called it “the gift of honesty”. I hope you are staying safe, healthy and as sane as possible. Sending you virtual hugs, my friend.
Thank you for your honesty! I can’t speak for everyone but I can say, from personal experience, the past 6 months have been a wake up call and a discovery period and I’m going to take your cue and continue to look for the silver lining. Love your work and love you.
Let’s hold onto the hope that things are getting better. I love you!
Welcome to the club Sister!!! We only see what others want us to see…perfection. Life is anything but. We are all different. We all thrive in different environments. And no, wanting time to yourself DOES NOT make you a bad Mother. It makes you human.
Thanks so much for your honesty in this world of perceived perfection.
Happiness to you friend;)
Your words are like a nice, warm blanket, my friend. Thank you for making me feel like less of a loser. haha. I hope you are making the best of these trying times. Sending you hugs! xoxo
Erica during the covid lock-down I gained 20 pounds and gave myself over to the sweets dark side, and I am a diabetic. I pretended to be cheerful throughout it all but the damage was done. I have since pulled myself together and am back to normal for me. Everyone is allowed to be sad and miserable during these unprecedented times. By admitting our shortcomings we become better for it. You are one awesome momma in my book!
Thank you so much for sharing such wise words, Mary. You are such an awesome lady, and I am so glad to hear that you are moving out of the darkness. Sending you happy, healthy vibes. xoxo
Erica, I didn’t have any cookies to go with my Vodka, but I did have Potato Chips! Potato Squared! I have been in a FUNK for days. I am IN the World, but I am Out off the World, it feels. I JUST DON’T FEEL LIKE ANYTHING right now. I have no idea what is going on with me. Just a tired, depressed, dragging, feeling. I am so the opposite of this. and usually run circles around most people. Maybe I am just Burned Out. God help all of us women who feel like this on occasion. It ain’t purty.
bahaha! You totally just made me spit my coffee out in laughter- potato squared! Love it! Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to share your insight. I can totally relate to the feeling of burn out as well. I know once we get thru the mud, life will feel so much lighter again. Hang in their, my friend. xoxo