For most of my twenties, I was lost in possibility. So many hobbies and career paths piqued my interest, but I tended to burn out not long into my pursuit.
A common request in my prayers and meditation was to recognize what I was put on this earth to do. It was my mission to find a passion/talent that I could capitalize on.
When I unexpectedly became pregnant with my first son, I assumed that was God telling me to put aside myself and my silly endeavors(dance, art, bodybuilding), and fully devote myself to my son. Don’t get me wrong.. I fell wildly in love with my son and the wonder that is motherhood, yet deep down, I knew something was still missing.
A few months later, on one of my whims, we sold our new construction home for a fixer upper and I never looked back. I decided to listen to that voice in my heart and take a risk ( you see…I am not one to take risks).
Shortly after moving in our fixer upper, I ,once again, became pregnant with my second son. Right around this time, something inside me told me to start a blog. Maybe it was just pregnancy hormones, but I interpreted it as God speaking to me. Funny thing is that I am really not much of a blog reader….but I decided to obey that calling deep in my soul. Did I really have time being a mother who worked from home as a marketing professional while also renovating a home? Not really, but I had to give it my best shot. It was something I could not shake.
Fast forward 15 months, and I am slowly phasing out my day job as a marketing consultant to further pursue my career as a blogger and interior designer. This decision definitely has not come without some major prayer and anxiety. Am I doing the right thing? What if my blog fails? Can I live without the extra income? But I like to believe God gives us signs along the way that we have his blessing. That we are fulfilling are life calling.
Such a sign came recently when I was featured in Cityscope Magazine. For those of you who do not live here in Chattanooga, Cityscope is a high-end, local publication that features businesses, artists and local happenings.
The feature could not have come at a better time for me. You see, as of late, between contractors ripping us off and surprise projects snowballing out of control, our fixer upper has turned into a bit of a nightmare . Not to mention, the day-to-day challenge of raising two small children while working from home, “mom guilt” has become an all too familiar feeling- overshadowing any progress I have made with my blog. Fuse these trials together on top of someone naturally prone to depression and anxiety, and you have a recipe for destruction.
Why can’t I just be content being a mom?
Maybe I have too much on my plate, and I should set aside my dreams until my children are old enough for school.
Life shouldnt be this exhausting.
And while I feel overwhelmed a good bit of the time, I feel so compelled to continue popping out content for you guys to read on my blog. I feel “whole” challenging myself to create and think outside of the box…always looking for a new way to approach a common problem. Maybe I am just a glutton for punishment.
I guess what I am trying to say in this long-winded ramble, is that sometimes we just have to “faith it til we make it”. We cannot predict the future, but we can find peace in giving a dream our best effort…trudging on with blind faith until we achieve our goals. And if our dreams don’t come into fruition, at least we know we gave it our best.
Perhaps God has placed a dream in your heart, which may or may not seem feasible. Well, I encourage you to place one foot in front of the other, and start on your path to the life you envision for yourself. Trust me, you will have your doubts and even grow weary at times, but continue on in faith. As far as I know, you only get one shot at life.
Learning the hard way, I realize the rat-race is not for me. I am determined to make a living doing what I love…what excites me and gets me out of bed in the morning(although I think I have the getting out of bed part covered with my natural alarm clocks-my babies).
And to those of you who haven’t found your “calling” yet, be on the look-out because it often reveals itself in the strangest of places and at the most inconvenient times(I actually kind of resent that my passion was not discovered until I was pregnant with my second son.Can we say bad timing?).
Is blogging my calling? I cannot say for sure, but I feel like I just got a nod from the man above. If anything, I feel that I am at least headed in the right direction.
Further confirming my convictions, I received some crazy exciting news last week…the prospect of recognition on a national level. While I do not feel comfortable sharing details so early on, I hope to officially announce the news in May. And for those of you wanting to check out my Cityscope feature, here is the digital version.
In the words of Bob Marley…
Love the life you live, live the life you love.
Now get out there and design some good vibes.